Sleep regressions: what if most of what you have been told needs a rethink?

Let me be honest here. This is not a short read. It will take about 5 minutes to read this but I urge you to find a moment to either read this now or come back to it. This information has changed the whole experience for so many parents and I want that for you. It you're short on time and want the most important thing from this, jump to heading: The biggest problem of all

If you have a baby or young child, you have almost certainly heard about sleep regressions. There are apps that track them, charts that predict them, and no shortage of infant sleep content telling you which ages to dread. The 4-month regression. The 8-month regression. The 18-month regression. The list goes on.

There are a number of issues with the way sleep regressions are presented to you and the resulting impact this has on the sleep journey with your child.

No evidence

Firstly, the term regression may be doing more harm than good, and the idea of fixed-age sleep regressions is not actually supported by evidence. I know this can be hard to believe when information about sleep regressions is absolutely everywhere. Stick with me on this.

Regardless of lacking evidence, some families do find the regression concept useful as a rough guide, a way of making sense of a difficult period and knowing it is likely to pass. Some children do seem to align with those predicted windows. If that has been helpful to you, I am not here to dismiss your experience. What I would encourage is holding it lightly. Use it as a ballpark if it helps. If it is not helping you, it is absolutely fine to let it go.

The word "regression"

Secondly, in a clinical sense, regression means the loss of a previously acquired skill. Your child knew how to do something and has now lost that ability. But sleep is not a skill. Sleep is a biological process. Your child has not forgotten how to sleep, or lost their ability to sleep, when things go wonky.

When sleep becomes fragmented, shorter, or harder to settle during periods of development, something quite different is happening. The developing brain is forming new neural connections, consolidating memories, and processing information during sleep. Their brains are busy. That is not regression. That is growth.

So are they 'progressions'?

Some people have moved away from "regression" and started talking about "progressions" instead, the idea being that sleep disruption at certain ages reflects development rather than steps backward. That framing is closer to the truth in one sense: yes, development can drive sleep changes. But it still implies that these changes happen at fixed ages, which brings us to the next challenge.

Development can impact sleep, but developmental milestones can vary significantly

It is clear and evidence-based that development can absolutely disrupt sleep, whatever form that development takes.

But the idea that this happens at specific, predictable ages for every child is where things fall apart. Development is fluid. While some milestones follow a broadly consistent timeline, most vary significantly from child to child. The picture is genuinely individual.

How sleep is impacted during development can also vary

During developmental periods, some children will have sleep that becomes extremely fragmented. Others will barely be affected and parents can wonder if their child missed a memo. Some might actually sleep more. So even if we accept that development can drive sleep changes, those changes will not look the same for every child.

So if development is variable in its timing, and each child responds differently to that development, the idea that sleep will wobble at the same ages for every child in the same way simply does not hold up.

But here is where the problem really becomes more problem-y, especially the third one below.

The three major problems with the regression narrative

It can create dread and stress

Whether through an app notification or a well-meaning friend, many parents approach certain ages with anxiety, waiting for sleep to fall apart. That kind of anticipatory stress is counterproductive to calmly supporting your child through a period of change, and it can colour the whole experience of parenting during that time.

It can mean missing the bigger picture

Sleep can change for a huge range of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with developmental changes. When everything gets attributed to a regression, important things can sometimes be overlooked, which means important changes may not be suggested or considered.

The biggest problem of all: the guaranteed fix

The biggest issue with the regression narrative is not just that it is inaccurate. It is the guarantee that tends to come attached to it. Follow this schedule. Nail these awake windows. Implement this method. Do it now. And sleep will be resolved.

The formula can be: create the fear, sell the solution.

That certainty in this approach and the marketing around it can be very compelling when you are exhausted and looking for answers. But it is not honest. And it can potentially set you up for something you do not deserve.

When development is genuinely driving what is happening with your child's sleep, there are absolutely things you can do to optimise and support their sleep. Sometimes those things help enormously and there is immediate significant improvement. But sometimes you can do everything right and sleep remains hard for a while. That is not a failure. It is biology and development doing what biology and development does.

The problem is that when the promised fix does not work, you are left wondering what you did wrong. Whether you failed your child. Whether something is wrong with you, or with your baby. That is a heavy thing to carry. And it comes directly from guidance that overpromises the guarantee about what is always within your control.

A more useful lens

I find an analogy helpful here. If a child has an iron deficiency, you absolutely want to identify that, apply the fix, and confirm it has resolved. That is a problem with a clear solution. But when a three year old is in the thick of big emotions and meltdowns, we do not go to the doctor and ask for a prescription to fix what is developmentally normal. We recognise it for what it is. We do everything we can to understand what is happening for the child, how to best support them, and how to walk through it with them. We think about our own regulation and wellbeing through that stage too. We do not throw our hands up and do nothing. But we also do not always expect an immediate fix.

Sleep during periods of development can sometimes be more like the second scenario than the first. That does not mean there is nothing useful to do, and sometimes things do improve significantly. But the frame shifts from a guaranteed fix to honest, thorough support. And that is a very different thing.

The most honest approach is one that helps you feel confident, clear and as calm as possible to navigate difficult seasons with sleep, knowing you are doing all you can to support and optimise while also releasing you from the idea that absolutely everything about your child's sleep is within your control. That is where genuine support lives.

References

Brinkman, J. E., Reddy, V., & Sharma, S. (2022). Physiology of sleep. StatPearls Publishing.

Huber, R., & Born, J. (2014). Sleep, synaptic connectivity, and hippocampal memory during early development. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 18(3), 141-152. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2013.12.005

Patel, A. K., Reddy, V., Shumway, K. R., & Araujo, J. F. (2022). Physiology of sleep. StatPearls Publishing.

Rasch, B., & Born, J. (2013). About sleep's role in memory. Physiological Reviews, 93(2), 681-766. https://doi.org/10.1152/physrev.00032.2012