How is this approach different to waiting it out?

And why it might be the alternative to sleep training you've been looking for.

If you have found yourself somewhere in the middle of the sleep debate, looking for an alternative to sleep training but also not sure that simply waiting it out is the whole answer, this is for you.

Maybe you are going with the flow and it is mostly working, but something still feels uncertain. Maybe you are struggling and you want to do something, but you are not sure what that even looks like if it is not sleep training. Or maybe you have found that even raising the idea of wanting to do something brings judgement from within the communities you are part of.

This post is here to offer a different perspective.

First, what do I mean by sleep training?

There is no universal definition of sleep training, so I want to be clear about how I use the term here. When I refer to sleep training, I mean any approach that treats sleep as a skill or behaviour to condition, with the single goal of every baby or child falling asleep independently and away from their parent or caregiver. This includes everything from cry it out to gradual methods, if the end goal is the same for every child regardless of their individual circumstances.

That is the definition I am working with throughout this post.

If you want to understand more about how this approach sits differently to sleep training specifically, you can read that HERE.

The wait it out approach has real merit.

Let me say this clearly. The evidence is genuinely on the side of sleep improving over time for most children without any formal intervention. Going with the flow, following your child's lead, and trusting the process are all completely valid choices. If it is working for your family, that is wonderful.

For some parents, going with the flow is genuinely their natural way of doing life and it just continues to serve them as in parenthood. For others, this approach works well in the early weeks and months, and then something might shift and they hit a stage where they want to do something different.

There is also a lot of fear-mongering in the sleep space that suggests sleep will not improve unless you do something, and then conveniently offers a solution to purchase. That narrative is not accurate, and it is worth naming.

But both sides of this debate can become part of the problem.

The sleep landscape is polarising. Sleep training on one side, wait it out on the other. And what can happen with both is that they can sometimes become black and white, prescriptive, and one-size-fits-all, which is exactly what they are each pushing back against in the other.

The sleep training world can tell you that every child needs to fall asleep independently, on a schedule, within a set number of days. The wait it out world can tell you that any attempt to influence sleep is harmful, that parent-led decisions are inherently problematic, and that following your child completely is the only acceptable path.

Two different answers. Both presented as the answer for every baby, every family, every situation.

And for parents who don't want sleep training but are struggling, there can be a particular kind of loneliness in this. Wanting to do something, even something small, even something that has nothing to do with how or where your baby falls asleep or even if it does, can sometimes be met with judgement from the very spaces that feel most aligned to your values.

Normal doesn't mean nothing can help.

This is perhaps the most important thing I want to say.

Something being biologically and developmentally normal is the foundation, but it's not always the ceiling. Exploring further might be about finding answers when something feels off. For others, it is simply about having the reassurance that everything shaping their child's sleep has been considered. Either way, that fuller picture can be worth having.

What support can look like here

The cornerstone of the approach here with me is not a default outcome of independence with sleep, or a predetermined process for getting there.

We start with understanding sleep biology, knowing what normal actually looks like so you are not operating from fear or misinformation, exploring whether there are underlying factors at play, and looking at the broader picture of what shapes sleep for your individual child. That is the foundation, regardless of where things go from there.

From that place of knowledge, some families find that nothing needs to change. Others find there are things worth exploring that have nothing to do with how or where their baby falls asleep. And for some, making changes to how or where their little one sleeps does become part of the picture.

There is no default end point here, no predetermined process, no fixed timeframe. There is simply a full and honest understanding of your child's sleep, the freedom to decide what you do with that and a collaboration of my sleep knowledge with your expert knowledge of your baby, family and situation.

And when settling or sleep location is part of the picture, there is no single outcome in mind. It might mean no longer feeding to sleep at bedtime but still lying with your child until they drift off. It might be part of the night in their own room and then coming into the family bed. It might be a gradual shift away from co-sleeping in the same bed but staying in the same room. For someone it might be creating a family bed. The endpoint is whatever works for that child, that family, and that season of life.

This is an approach that does not ask you to pick a side. You are making informed choices from a place of knowledge rather than pressure, fear, or confusion.

If your child's sleep is working well for everyone, that is genuinely great. If something feels off, or if you just want a fuller picture, this approach gives you the tools to explore that without being pushed toward an answer that was never designed for your specific child.

If you want to dive deeper, below is how the approach I offer sits differently to both sleep training and the wait it out approach.

If you'd prefer to talk through what is going on for your family and explore whether this approach could be the right fit, you can book a free Hello Chat here. Or if you have a question, feel free to reach out directly here.

WAIT IT OUT	NURTURE & THRIVE SLEEP	SLEEP TRAINING
Independence: never the focus Contact sleep, feeding to sleep and co-sleeping are all valid and should never be changed.	No prescribed endpoint for settling or sleep location May or may not be the right next step. No single outcome is right for all. And when it is part of the picture, there is no universal definition of what it needs to look like. The endpoint is whatever works for that child, that family and that season of life.	Independence: critical for all Regardless of method, the end goal is always the same: independent sleep. All children must, can and should sleep independently for good sleep outcomes. Everyone is guided, explicitly or implicitly, to believe changing how their child falls asleep is not a choice but a necessity.
No plan for independence No timelines, no programs. Follow your child, always.	No default timeline or process If independence is the right next step, the pathway is highly individual. No default timeline, no prescribed steps. Adaptive, staged and always responsive to what is and is not working.	Swift, prescribed and all at once Most programs run 3 to 14 days with set steps and limited nuance. Changes are typically introduced all at once, sometimes with little consideration for how a child is actually responding.
Sleep is a natural process Sleep will sort itself out. No need to intervene.	Sleep is a natural process Sleep is a biological process, not a skill to teach or a behaviour to condition. Understanding what is actually shaping sleep leads to a much more useful and complete picture than attempting to train it.	Sleep is a skill Sleep must be taught. Without intervention, babies will not learn to sleep well and can unlearn how to sleep, requiring retraining.
No routines or schedules Follow your baby's lead entirely. Parent-imposed structure is often seen as not in the child's best interests.	Clarity to find your best way Understanding what is actually evidence-based, what is anecdotal, and what is or is not working for your unique child. Knowledge to read your child's cues rather than follow someone else's rules.	Prescribed routines and schedules Awake windows, nap lengths and hours of sleep presented with authority as though evidence-based. In reality, much of this is anecdotal and in some cases contradicts what the evidence actually shows.
Sleeping through: not the focus Night waking is often accepted as biologically normal with less focus on achieving consolidated night sleep. Working toward improved night sleep can sometimes be seen as chasing an outcome that is not worth pursuing, or at odds with a responsive approach.	Night sleep: realistic and individual Night waking is normal across a wide range of ages and stages. Whether and how nights improve depends on what is shaping them and what is normal for that individual child. The goal is never to label normal waking as a problem, but to leave no stone unturned in supporting the best possible sleep for that child and family.	Sleeping through: the goal From a young age, sleeping through is the goal, often based on age-related sleep expectations that are not always grounded in evidence. Night wakings are viewed as behaviours to condition rather than exploring the full range of influences.
Doing nothing is enough Going with the flow is the complete answer. There is nothing further worth exploring or supporting. And for many families, this is the truth and works very well.	Full view of sleep Sleep is shaped by a wide range of factors, and behaviour may be just one of them. Rather than defaulting to a single lever, we explore the full picture of what is shaping your child's sleep.	Limited influences, all fixable Sleep challenges viewed through a limited lens. The suggestion is frequently that every challenge has an immediate solution within your control to fix.
Responsive: child-led Responsiveness expressed through following the child's lead entirely. Parent-led decisions about sleep are not always seen as in the child's best interests.	Responsive in all ways Responsiveness means far more than whether you respond in the moment. It begins with deep understanding of your child, their history, your family and situation before a single change is made. Always attuned, always adapting. A balance of child and parent led.	Can include unresponsiveness May include guidance to remain unresponsive to your child regardless of how they are responding. Tends toward cookie-cutter rather than responsive to the whole child and whole situation.
Parental wellbeing acknowledged Values the importance of parent wellbeing but sometimes without a clear practical path forward if the child-led approach is not working for the family.	Multi-faceted approach to wellness Thriving does not only become possible once sleep looks a certain way. Aim to free you from the weight of feeling responsible for every aspect of sleep, while equipping you to do everything possible to support it.	Your wellness tied to your child's sleep Parent wellbeing is tied to whether a child sleeps through or sleeps a certain way. The message, overt or implied, is that you cannot truly thrive until sleep looks like this.
Family focused Values the family unit and rejects pressure to achieve prescribed sleep outcomes.	Family focused The whole family is always in view. Support accounts for real family life, siblings, logistics, dynamics and the broader parental journey. Sleep support that works within your reality, not despite it.	Usually focused on the child Focus is typically on what the child's sleep should look like according to a prescribed model, with limited consideration for how a whole family actually lives.
Follow your child, always Adapting or changing approach based on parent preference is not always seen as in the child's best interests.	Unique and adaptive approach Whatever we are working on, the approach is always responsive to how your child and family are actually responding. Changes are made, observed and adapted. If something is not working, that is information, not failure. A balance of child and parent led.	Push through approach With independence as the singular outcome, the approach often requires pushing through regardless of how a child responds. There is no alternative framing: push through or cave and fail. More often a parent-led approach.
Trauma context: often well-aligned The emphasis on closeness, responsiveness and following the child's lead can be deeply supportive for families navigating birth trauma, difficult postpartum experiences or where separation feels inappropriate. The challenge can be when a family's trauma history makes change feel impossible even when they want something different	Trauma-informed Trauma relating to pregnancy, birth, postpartum, parenting and broader life is considered in every aspect of support. No change is made without accounting for the full context of the child and family.	Not trauma-informed Always moves toward separation and independence, often quickly, regardless of trauma history in the child or family. The focus remains independence, regardless of context.